I admit, I’ve had better weeks than this past one. I had to get almost completely to the bottom of the barrel for God to teach me something. But, I learned. All the honor and glory goes to Him.
I like to call this sort of thing being ‘in a rut.’ And that fits perfectly because when you’re physically in a deep ditch, it takes a while to get out of. You have to slowly climb your way out, suffering through loss of progress or even having to start all over again. Or you just have to wait for someone to come find you and help you out. Either way, you learn a lot in the process, and sometimes that’s the hardest part.
This time around, it was twice as bad, which was my own fault really. I was in a rut in both my life and my writing. Usually, when life gets bad for me, I have my writing to turn to to give me a bit of reprieve. An escape, if you will. But, this was not the case -good thing, too.
What I never want to do is place my writing before or above God. I know He is the only one that can truly help me when I’m not in the best of spirits or feeling alone, but I think I was in fact beginning to replace Him with this means of escape. God forgive me. I was relying on myself rather than Him which is always a disaster waiting to happen.
So, when my means of income was starting to weigh on me and take time away from my writing, I got rather frustrated. Why? When I thought about it, I really didn’t know. Who bucks at more income? Lol me apparently. The fact that it was stealing time from what I enjoyed would be my honest guess as to my attitude and actions.
Driving home after a long day, I was a little depressed which, if you knew me in person, is not at all normal. I cried out to Him for help. I didn’t know what to do. Why I was feeling the way I was.
And then I realized... I wasn’t just getting frustrated at the load of work or because I wasn’t able to write because of it, I was getting frustrated at God. He is the one that gives me work in the first place and provides for me -always has. I was throwing His provision back in His face. And it was making me miserable. Is it any wonder?
The Lord spoke to me. This time around it was through the radio, a station called K-Love. Basically, He kicked me in the rear and told me to wake up. He was blessing me with business, as I’ve been praying for, and I was complaining about it. So, I repented right there and immediately started to thank Him for the work instead. He had wanted my praise and was getting my childish and selfish complaints. I was quite ashamed and humbled. But I guess it’s true... We are always learning. I’m just glad I have someone as gracious and loving as God to be the one to correct and teach me.
Wouldn’t you know it, my mood did a complete 180 after that. It was a HUGE wake-up call, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But, I’m grateful for His patience with me. It never ceases to amaze me how He can constantly put up with me. I wouldn’t be so tolerant.
Our God is no doubt one of a kind. And thank goodness for that! Take time to give Him praise today, even if you don’t feel like it. See what happens. :)