Friday, March 13, 2009


I’d like to know... What’s happened to saying you’re sorry? Even if you don’t know what you’ve done, yet the evidence is there that something is clearly wrong, why don’t we say sorry?

I have learned there are several reasons “sorry” is no longer in some people’s vocabulary.

ONE -- People deceive themselves into thinking that they have done nothing wrong.

I know someone like this. They go around and around the issue, trying to somehow make themselves feel or seem justified or to rid themselves of the guilt. Sometimes they even stoop to saying the other person isn’t making any sense when the matter of an apology is brought to their attention.

However, it is quite obvious that NO ONE is perfect (as I have said before). So, to think this is selfishly one sided. We just go by what WE think to be right by our own perception of things when we cannot know or see all, in effect, discarding what the other person might think.

We all make mistakes! And I know for certain that no one is without their faults when it comes to an argument or issue. In fact, you can’t have either without at least two people being involved, so that right there makes all parties guilty.

That alone should be enough reason to say sorry! So, again, why don’t people apologize?

TWO --Another reason would be that they have asked the person that was involved if there is anything they should apologize for, and they have said “no.”

Only problem with this is that, personally, I don’t think you should ask someone if you need to apologize! It defeats the purpose of apologizing -humbling yourself in order to truly show you’re sorry. Not only that, but it puts others on the spot and most people won’t say yes because they don’t want to sound mean or make a bigger issue out of things. There is even the possibility that they know that person will attempt to reason their way out of apologizing if they mention something -definitely a big turn off.

What would you do if someone close to you asked you if they needed to apologize for something?

I recently spoke to the person I mentioned before about apologizing to someone else I know. (Are you still with me? Lets call the first person I mentioned earlier, Person 1, and this new person, Person 2)

There is clearly some sort of wall between them. Person 2 isn’t talking to Person 1 and the last time they talked, there was a fight -Person 2 made a comment about something, and Person 1 blew it way out of proportion causing Person 2 to leave.

That was the last time they spoke. So, it makes sense then, given the evidence, that both, especially Person 1, should apologize. Right? Person 1 for assuming something that wasn’t and making a big deal out of it, and Person 2 for not making it clearer and not trying to work it out like adults.

Well Person 1 did the first two things we’ve talked about here. They don’t think they are wrong, they’ve tried to talk their way out of their need to apologize, and have brought up the issue that they have asked if they need to apologize. They’ve even said the middle man that approached them (me) wasn’t making sense when trying to explain why they needed to apologize.

Come to think of it though, I can’t think of the last time Person 1 has ever apologized for anything. That leads to the next point.

THREE -- They try and forget about what they have done and often times succeed.

In their minds they probably think it will be forgotten in due time. But, wrongs aren’t forgotten so easily. Nor are they forgiven so easily in many people’s cases.

I can still remember quite clearly when someone did something awful to me and never apologized for it. In fact, I can remember them all. Not that I haven’t forgiven those people because I have, or that I hold it against them because I don’t! But, when someone does something to you and doesn’t at least try to make amends for it, for some reason it becomes ingrained in your mind.

Think about it... Has someone ever treated you wrongly or harmed you in some way? Even if you have forgiven them, do you remember it? If my guess is right, even though it’s been a long time and has been dealt with by forgiveness, you can probably still remember it like it was yesterday. Correct?

This could be for many reasons. Perhaps it’s in the hope that someday they will apologize. *shrug* Who can really say for certain. The point is, wrongs don’t right themselves just by letting them sit. They don’t magically disappear, no matter what we may think. They can actually get much worse when left alone. Like a pot of food on a hot burner, it will get more and more burnt, in effect destroying the food on the inside.

“But.. that means that apologizing is that much more important then.. It could be someone’s life at stake.”

That’s right! Some people aren’t as easy to forgive as others. Sure, I have forgiven those that have wronged me, but what would other people have done in my situation? Some might fall apart, others might become bitter and hateful toward anyone and everyone. So many bad things could happen to them, all because someone didn’t apologize!

And all we have to do is say two little words with as much heartfelt meaning as we harbor... “I’m sorry.”

Even if we've done something small, too! It’s better to cover our bases.

I bring up saying it with meaning because it can be very VERY obvious if you are not truly sorry. So, make sure you feel it inside before you say it and act on it. Otherwise, you will do no good -it will show.

FOUR -- Lastly, the person thinks that the other should be the one to apologize first.

I must admit, I have been here myself. Only problem is.. What if the other person is thinking the same thing? Then that issue is never dealt with and those wounds are never healed. As stated in reason ONE, we are all guilt for just being involved. That means we should apologize. So, DON'T WAIT!

Would that we all would put aside our own pride and think of others before ourselves. What are they feeling? What will this do to them if not dealt with? Not only that, but what will it do to us? We will become someone we do not wish to be.

It’s one thing to forgive someone; it’s another to apologize. But, we need to do both. If we can forgive, why can’t we say we’re sorry as well? They go hand in hand! It might take putting aside ourselves to do so but, if we can save a life, it’s worth it all. And it's never too late to apologize. That's the beauty of it.

What would the world be like if “sorry” became as popular as “yes” and “no”?

~L. Pierce
Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you... Deuteronomy 6:18

Next Posting--- God of... Excuses?


  1. I don't think we talk to each other enough. We text quite a lot. But how often do we say "God bless you"? Those words allow us an intimacy which might allow and apology from time to time. We haven't created safe environments for blessings and apologies. We need to talk to each other.

  2. Indeed, why is sorry so hard? I stand guilty of the offenses described herein. And I'm s-s-s-s-sorry for it.

    There. I said it. Whew. ... Hey, that wasn't so bad. And what do you know? It actually felt good.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  3. This is such a good post. And actually fits in with something I just went through. For years I had been longing to hear my father tell me 'I'm sorry' and then on my drive last week he finally in his age of 64, said the words I longed to hear 'I'm sorry'. He said it 3 times. Not once did I say 'It's okay, because the things we did were not okay.' I don't know why it took him so long to say these words, but I think age has a lot to do with it.

    As we age we grown, mature, learn and change. My dad is not the same man he once was (he grew and matured, he asked Christ for forgiveness), so I was able to confront him and he was able to say those very words I waited decades to hear.

    Why is is to hard? That is an outstanding questiong. Pride maybe; at least those are my initial thoughts.

    The 4 points you give are very true; I can see them all being very real. The bottom line should just be to make peace with someone you love and care for, saying sorry should be the priority.

    Great post LLP!